An ode to improve your elf

I’m about to introduce to you
Some Christmas tips for dinner.
Be satisfied with the fact
That they may just make you slimmer.

Try preparing your own gravy
Using granules from a shop.
It’s much healthier than meat juices,
And ensures your heart won’t stop.

If you must have your gravy
Like the French would say “au jus”,
Pour a jug and wait a while.
Scoop the fat from atop the brew.

Speaking of fat, inspect your meat.
Trim the bits off that you find.
Your arteries will thank you
And you’ll earn a smaller behind.

Make room for veggies on your plate,
Even Brussels sprouts that make you toot.
A third is about the right amount.
You could even have some fruit.

When cutting carrots and tatties,
Don’t make them all that small.
Your cooking will be healthier
With less oil used overall.

You see, tiny cuts of vegetables
Have too many sides to soak.
They absorb more fat while roasting.
And lead you towards a stroke.

Thanks for cringing your way through this,
You’ve clearly nothing else to do.
But, we’ve yet to cover creamy sauces and butter,
From the big thing that goes moo.

I’d really rather you wouldn’t slather
Bovine secretions across your food.
At least try low fat alternatives,
Especially with your Christmas pud.

Above all don’t feel too guilty
About the things you choose to chew.
It is, after all, a festive time.
I guess you should be merry, too.